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Friend:
when I'm single, no one wants me
Friend:
when I'm taken, everyone wants me
Me:
no one ever wants me so lol
black people:
black
white people:
2% Greek, 9.1% German, .0000032% Russian, 92% Irish, 49% French, 100% blue eyed devil
hispanic people:
not Mexican
asian people:
not Chinese
author:
she didn't want to eat dinner because she doesn't like chicken noodle soup
english teacher:
even though it doesn't say it, we can infer that 17 years ago she encountered an attack from chickens while on a trip to africa visiting her great aunt who was dying from pneumonia which she got from chickens that were being harvested for the great feast
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
when the pizza guy came over today i was like “have a good day” and he said “dont tell me what to do” and i just stood there staring at him and then he’s like “lol i got that from drake and josh”
(via wonka-bar)
